I was living a great life in Montreal. I was living in a beautiful condo, earning a great salary, surrounded by wonderful friends and family, and simply enjoying my life. I was happy and even very happy. I was living comfortably, easily, a bit too easily, but as life became effortless, a lack of contentment and fulfillment was mounting inside of me. And so I decided to leave everything behind and fulfil my dream of working in the philanthropic field. Here I am today in Israel and the Palestinian Territories about to take upon a new role for 15 months where I will be working with a non profit micro credit organization that aims to empower women most in need.
This blog will tell you about my new experience, my daily life, my views, and my transition into what I like to call a dicey step.
Columnist and Proud
I have recently been asked to be a columnist amongst almost 30 others in the collective blog Innercondition.tumblr.com. Although it’s not a huge deal, it’s delightful to have someone out there appreciate my writing enough to ask me to contribute to his blog.
I have been following innercondition and I can confirm that there are some really great writers. If you like to hear random anecdotes you can relate to or not, I definitely urge you to be a follower.
All my articles will continue to be on this blog or my amalsreverie.tumblr.com blog.
New and proud columnist
Home Bitter Home
Apologies for the extended obsolete blog activity. The Good news is -I am back! I am back indeed with many updates and many posts to come.
Update number 1: I am back in Montreal. That’s correct; my time away was shorter than anticipated yet again. Thankfully this time around, I didn’t get kicked out, out of the country, fewf!
I have been back in Montreal for a month now. Given my nature of not wanting to waste any precious time, I enrolled myself in a Master program in International and Public Affairs (Update number 2). I must admit that I hesitated in sharing this new venture with you, as I am currently contemplating the entire school thing. Let’s say after 7 years of being out of school, it is terribly difficult to return, and more so, to return and study in a field far from what I’ve done before. Regardless, in the meantime, I am learning, developing another extremely philosophical and theoretical part of my brain that has been severely untouched due to my business nature. All this to say, wish me luck and please don’t judge me if I become too philosophical and especially if I quit!
Now let me take you back to how this blog started, how this adventure began and why it is still continuing, by choice although challenging. Quoting from my first post, I explained how “I was living comfortably, easily, a bit too easily (in Montreal), but as life became effortless, a lack of contentment and fulfillment was mounting inside of me. And so I decided to leave everything behind and fulfil my dream of working in the philanthropic field.”
Sounds indeed like an adventure, and an adventure it was. The last year was possibly, if not certainly the most hectic and unpredictable year of my life. Dicey it has been, a bit dicier than I hoped, but definitely a humbling experience. I guess I got what I wanted – an extremely not easy, not comfortable and harshly demanding experience, where I moved 4 different times in less than a year. Unfortunately I was hoping this challenge would fade by now, but the struggle continues and the return on investment on my risky move is also fading away.
Let me further explain. Firstly a huge lack of excitement in Montreal has been difficult to digest after such a fulfilling and exhilarating journey in the Middle East, a region in the midst of a pivotal revolution, in some parts, under an occupation, and filled with a charming ambient chaos. A region where I had to pass by check points daily, where I was harassed hourly, where everyone is accused of being part of the intelligence and where religion takes an overwhelmingly predominant role waking you up at 5 am every day for prayer. All this making my voyage life changing and simply marvellous and making the return back to Montreal redundant and tasteless. (Update 3)
Secondly I am back home with the parents, yes at 29!!! My condo is currently being rented out, at least that is the reason I prefer to use to justify this ego destroying situation. The other reality is that I am a student, jobless and poor. May sound normal to people, but after a successful career, a particularly generous salary and a beautiful and comfortable home (with indoor parking, essential for Montreal winters), I am starting at the bottom, entering yet another quarter life crisis and reliving my early 20s, all this while my car is parked outside! (Update 4-5…)
Disaster is how I like to describe this state in my life, but for the exaggerated sake of this article, I prefer to use the term apocalyptic.
And so here I am in an apocalyptic situation, trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. I am questioning, my past, my present, my future and relying on my non-existent 6th sense to guide me in finding the path to an infinitely fulfilled and accomplished life. And so here I am in a state of hoping, hoping that I can get out of this bottomless rut, hoping to get my act together and move on to greater things. Insha’Allah ; )
P.S. Although I am back in Montreal, I have many pictures and stories from the Middle East that I haven’t yet shared with you, so expect some future posts.
Hala' La Wein
I just watched the most endearing movie named Hala’ La Wein (Where Do We Go Now?) by Nadine Labaki. A movie that depicts the unnecessary religious tension between Christians and Muslims who not only live but coexist in the same small Lebanese village.
Religion is obviously a fundamental part of the Middle East and has demonstrated to be a major cause of conflict and war. Living here now, I am trying to appreciate religion for what it should be, but find myself suffocated by its dominance and its imposition.
This movie highlights my above points but somehow finds a beautiful way to make light out of it.
All at once, touching, enlightening, playful and deep, this movie is worth being on your top to watch list.
Invisible
It 4pm, Sunday, a work day in the Middle East, and it’s time for me to head home. (I know it’s pretty early). I bundle up, ready to conquer the unwanted cold outside. I wear my spring jacket as I don’t want to accept the fact that it’s colder in Amman than it is in Montreal. I do however make sure that I cover my neck and half of my face up with a large scarf. This might perhaps help me fit in into the conservative neighbourhood where I work; especially after receiving an unwanted glance from my male colleague.
I start my walk to the main street to catch a cab as I do every day. There are no young shebebs (Arabic boys) on my way so I happily don’t need to avoid their usual whistles and comments. I see no women in Niqabs so I don’t try to overlook the fierce stares. Today is a good and peaceful day. And so I thought.
A sudden car rushed aggressively past me, carrying the usual shebebs that I try so hard to stay away from. A sudden shout with many words burst out of the car. All I understand is “bla bla bla Ya Sharmouta” (You whore!!!).
Astonished as I am, I continue walking with my mouth open and my eyes revealing a shocked state. I can’t believe that my simple conservative attire would draw such attention and conclusion. I just want to be invisible. I ponder and start debating whether I should just put a veil on my head during these 2 minute walks to avoid these unwanted and infuriating insults.
I reflect for a second, only second with a conniving smile, “maybe I’ll wear a mini skirt tomorrow.”
At this moment I understood why constant religious retaliation escalates with no limits.
Alone in the Wrong Place
Here I am sitting at a coffee shop in Amman, linked to Al Jazeera, Twitter, BBC and religiously following Egypt’s reignited revolution. Feeling a distance apart, a world apart, I am debating whether I should just buy a one way ticket to Cairo and join the demonstrations. Knowing very well that my presence will not add value but rather give my mother a heart attack, I want to go in solidarity with my people.
Being born in Egypt and living there for only 4 years, I never thought that my attachment to my beloved country would be so strong. I have been in Montreal for almost 25 years yet my love for, my attachment to and my identity to Egypt is indescribable and unbeatable. Sometimes I find myself more Egyptian than my parents who lived there more than half of their lives.
Regardless of my connection to Egypt, what is happening now is a pivotal moment in history. A moment that could lead to a prosperous future for Egypt or to the end of what we Egyptians call “Masr, Om el Donia”, Egypt, Mother of the world.
Although I catch myself often being sceptical about Egypt’s future and fearing an Islamic rule, I am quite amazed by what Egyptians have managed to achieve in so little time. Overthrowing the President, the vice President, and recently the cabinet in less than 9 months is beyond impressive.
I am hoping that Egyptians can come to the realization that they can achieve anything when in solidarity and should put their differences apart to build a better Egypt. Easier said than done, especially that Egypt’s 80 million people are quite segregate by religion, social classes and ideologies. However, what remains similar amongst all of them is their dedicated patriotism that has proven to lead to greatness.
Insha’Allah this will be enough to protect my beloved Egypt.
My favourite - Mango!!
More Souk deliciousness
Souk visit continues
One thing I absolutely love about living in the Middle East is the freshness of its fruits & vegetables and bread. Always a delight to walk through the souk minus the yelling, staring and overwhelming crowd :)
